Addiction

I try to pull myself away .. Keep away from yu .. kill this yearning in my body .. I do it because i know .. I KNOW that if i dont i'll relapse .. Im addicted .. Every hug every kiss every soft spoken word .. Your touch that causes me to forget the world around me .. It gives my such a high that i dont wanna shake it for fear of losing the moment .. Nothing but bliss when im high on you .. But that crash? My God, that crash when reality comes barreling down and dirty laundry begins to stink makes me wish i never took that first hit .. The one that brought me to where i am now .. The one that gives me such horrible withdrawal when i try to stop .. Crying shaking begging for peace .. This addiction just keeps growing .. It whispers ever so sweetly in my ear "its okay, one more hit wont kill you" .. I pull away .. i try to fight it but the feeling you give me far outweighs everything else .. for now im defeated .. slowly i give in .. i mean, its only one little hit right? right. So i just take one hit .. But that one little hit turns into two nd two turn a full blown session .. before long here i am again .. strung out on you .. in a daze not in my right mind not thinking like me .. doing whatever this addiction wants ..  back where i started .. all that rehab for this? Hmph .. such a pity .. Can you see what you do to me? Just look at me .. still stuck .. More strung out .. And even deeper into my addiction to you ...

Bottom of the Bottle

At first the drinks were for recreation .. Shot here, cup there .. All in good fun .. Now theyre used to take away the pain but a couple drinks never seem to get the job done anymore .. So she puts the bottle to her head .. Quarter gone .. Try to relax .. think about why youre unhappy .. Think about who makes yu feel that way .. Pick it back up .. Half gone .. Now she's wondering where she's gone wrong .. What did she do to these people? Why did they claim to care so much but show it so little? .. Three quarters done .. She's drifting away .. She wonders if it would just be better for everyone if she just gave up .. Whats the point of fighting if you'll never win? Whats the point of trying over and over again? .. To her head again .. Its almost done .. She just wants all the problems to go away .. She just wants some kind of peace .. As she takes her final sips she feels herself fading .. She'll finally give everyone what they seem to want .. To not have to deal w such a burden anymore .. 19 .. 23 .. She'll just leave all her problems at the bottom of the bottle .. Because everything would be easier that way right? Give the people what the want .....

Broken Pieces

She's still laying there .. Shattered .. Torn .. Laying in a pile of a million broken pieces .. She debates if she even has it in her to fix them again .. Thats all she ever seems to be doing; putting back together her broken pieces because others dont understand the concept of "handle with care" .. No matter how much she expresses her fragile state, its just discarded with just about everything else she says .. She just doesnt understand .. While she lays there broken, everyone passes her by .. They see the mess but no one seems to care enough to help clean it up .. Even those who claim they'd there for these times especially are gone .. Even with them being the one who caused it you'd think they'd stay to help straighten things out .. But no .. Thats not how it is for her .. No matter how the mess is caused it always ends up her job to clean it up because somehow its still always going to be her fault .. There was one she could count on to be there but even they didnt want the job .. So now she has a choice .. She can either fix it herself and wait to be broken again, or she can stay broken and wait for the mess to be swept away, discarded and forgotten again .. And it sadly seems she's anticipating the latter ....

Lightning Storm

In my head is a lightning storm .. Thoughts and emotions crashing making flashes .. Such a flash that should illuminate my mind and create some clarity .. Instead it only shines on the turmoil and rage within me .. The happy thoughts hiding from the bigger, stronger angry ones .. Desperately trying to rally together to take back what was once theirs .. But instead they cower in fear .. Not fully understanding their strength they sneak in the shadows hoping not to be seen lest they're overpowered and turned into something they never want to be .. Dreaming of the day when they once again can find their power .. Their voices .. Dreaming of they day they can calm the lightning storm .. Calm the storm and bring back the clear skies for a  clear mind .. One day ......

With Liberty And Justice For All? .. Nah.

Welcome to America. Here we preach about holding certain morals and values dear, but only when its convenient. Here all men are created equal. LOL, just kidding. If you're a different skin color, ethnicity, gender, or religion, you are in NO WAY equal. Here in America, we let you vote but your votes don't really count. Why? Because we, your government know what is better for you than you do. We'll charge you an arm and both legs for healthcare that may or may not cover all your ailments and needs. We'll let you go to school, but only if you let us drown you in student loan debt. We are the land of the "free to disregard the law" and the home of the "brave enough to lie about such disregard blatantly". You are at no time safe and neither are your children. We dictate what women can and cannot do to their bodies as well as dictate who can and cannot marry no matter how in love they are or how long they've been together. Animals have more rights and protection than most of our human population. So welcome. Come on in. Don't try to better yourself here though. We don't like it. Unless you're an Anglo male. Then by all means; BE GREAT.

-America 

I Apologize

I apologize. I apologize if i haven't been the best friend, lover, sister, mother, and daughter. If i haven't always been there when i said i would. If i said i wouldn't change. If i made promises i didn't keep. If i let yu down. If i hurt yu whether it was intentional or not. I know now all my actions weren't correct. No matter good my intentions may have been at the time. Ive made mistakes. Ive lied. Ive played games. Ive hurt those with no intention to do the same to me with no explanation as to why. Ive messed up. Ive lost ppl who i held dear over foolish pride and they've rightfully shut me out. Ive turned my back when i felt backs were turned on me although that may or may not be the case. But i come now just hoping to move on past all that. To get back to where things should be. Not saying they'll be where i WANT them to be, but no longer in a place based on hurt. So if  you're listening .... If yu still even care .... From the bottom of my heart, i apologize.

Unfinished

Her Lack of rationality, paired with mental brutality; gave her away to tha wrong people nd it ended in an emotional fatality .. So caught up in living a fairytale, she lost her grip on reality; now she can't seem to find her back to normality .. 

Unanswered Questions

Who do yu turn to when tha reason yu once couldn't contain your smile becomes tha reason yu cant contain your tears?
What do yu do when your heart is breaking?
Where do yu go for solace when tha shoulder you've grown used to crying on turns cold?
When do yu just cut your losses before yu wind up losing yourself?
Why does it always seem to have to come to this?
How do yu cope when yu dont know how to mend whats been been damaged?
I guess its time to just let go and hope for tha best.....

Writings on the Walls

Touch me with your words, caress me with your thoughts .. I wanna feel every image in your mind .. Tease me with your knowledge, yu know how i love the thrill .. Your vocabulary so profound it just gives me chills .. With your hands as the pen and my body as your pad, make me feel your every expression .. From dusk til dawn .. I just hope that yu dont
Ever
Run
Out
Of
Things
To
Say ......

The Mask

They dont see tha pain in her eyes .. Tha sadness in her smile .. Tha tears in her voice .. She masks her true feelings so well that they'd never know something was wrong .. But on tha inside she's broken .. Hurt, torn apart, and alone .. Her self esteem is shot and she feels as if she's nothing .. She gives her all and gets nothing in return except pain and heartache .. Her silent cries go unnoticed because she doesnt want anyone to see her at her weakest .. On tha inside she feels nothing but pain and desolation .. Abused, depressed, and uncared for she feels alone .. Such an emptiness .. A void that cant seem to be filled .. She begs for it to end but knows that she cant go that route again .. Not with someone depending on her to survive .. So she puts on her mask .. She smiles to hide tha sadness .. Barely speaks so yu dont hear tha tears in her voice .. And looks away so yu dont see tha pain in her eyes .. As broken as she is on tha inside she refuses to show it because there are those who depend on her to be strong .. She disguises her sadness and depression with a false happiness because one day she knows that happiness will be hers .. Until then .. She wears that mask and no one will ever know whats really happening on tha inside...
-Ash

How can yu move forward if yu always look back? How can yu reach your destination if you're on tha wrong track?
Things will stay where they are and they'll never be right as long as yu turn to tha darkness instead of tha light.
Yu hide from whats feels right just to cling onto what feels wrong yu dwell on what makes yu feel weak instead of what makes yu strong.
Yu listened to your heart nd since it led yu astray yu put up a wall and let it get in tha way
Tha way of seeing whats best for yu and one day having it turn into something honest and true.
Yu know what yu want in your heart nd mind and yu know what yu need yu dont have to find.
Its already been found its just waiting to see if what it wants to become it should really be.
Not to say that yu have to approach it fast because if yu take your time yu can make it last.
Just make sure when tha good life calls yu dont just let it ring and lose out on true happiness for a not-so sure thing.

Just Cant Get It Right

Tryna do tha right thing tha wrong way .. No direction .. We're just feeling around in tha dark HOPING we get it right .. But we can't .. We fail to see whats important .. To concerned with minor details to get tha big picture .. Trying so desperately .. trying to fix what's broken yet .. We work AGAINST instead of WITH each other .. Always tha same result because we always have tha same problem .. We just can't get it right no matter how hard we try .. Only because we don't try hard enough .. Right place wrong time, wrong place right time .. It doesn't matter .. We just can't get it right ....
-Ash

Funny

Its funny how peoples words dont always add up with their actions .. they'll tell yu one thing while doing another and dont see a thing wrong with it ..
Its funny how tha ones who want a faithful partner are the same ones in multiple "relationships" all at tha same time ..
Its funny how people can say they love yu but can never show tha action .. why use a word if yu dont really know what it means?
Its funny how yu can be there for someone through everything; good, bad, in between .. and they'll never appreciate your effort to be there for THEM ..
Its funny how yu do things to help people nd dont give it a second thought .. but tha second they do something for yu they NEVER let yu forget it ..
Its funny how yu can say something on a social network  and somebody will get offended .. especially when yu didnt even have them in mind when yu said it ..
Its funny that people will lie to everyone, about everything .. but then feelings are hurt when they find out someone hasnt told them tha truth ..
Its funny how people can hurt yu and dont care .. but when life isnt going how they planned they want yu at their pity party ..
Its funny how people can say "i'll always be there for yu" .. but forget to add "until they find something 'better'" ..
Its funny how people will walk out on yu .. and then tell yu how bitter/scorned/spiteful yu are for giving them a hard time when they try to walk back in ..
Tha funniest part of it all is most of us tend to let these things happen .. and then wonder why we always get the same result to the same problem ....

-Ash

#30PoemsIn30DaysChallenge #3

Some people slow to give but quick to take .. never wanna see yu happy so they say and do anything to bring yu down .. spiteful and devious, they always have ulterior motives .. if its not to take tha things yu have, its to steal your smile .. ready to overshadow your otherwise positive life with clouds of doubt grief nd negativity .. but heres tha joke: they only have as much power as yu give them .. YU get to decide if yu gonna give them tha strength to bring yu  down or if yu gonna leave THEM weak and YU strengthened with your joy .. i know what i choose simply because i refuse to let anyone have that kind of power over me .. but what do yu choose, success or demise? -Ash

#30Poems30DaysChallenge #2

Stir these yams but not too quick, take your time with that mixing stick.
These yams need care these yams need time, but when they're ready they'll be sublime.
Yu want these yams baby dont pretend, like yu wont eat em til yu reach tha end.
These yams are yours yu dont have to share, take your time with em baby take care.
They're fine they're great delicious nd dandy, yu might even think that these yams are candied.
They've been simmering so yu cant go wrong, til they're ready it wont be long.
Yams that arent after your pockets so yu wont go bankrupt, they're ready now so #ComeGetTheseYamsWassup?

#30Poems30DaysChallenge #1

Yu make tha easiest things so difficult because yu insecure .. Your insecurity turns into greed .. And that greed will cause yu pain. Yu have everything yu need right in front of yu .. Yet, you're still searching for it .. Easiest way to lose what yu have .. And when yu lose it .. how do plan to get it back? You're out looking for greener grass but not putting time into takin care of tha lawn yu already have .. No maintenance but yu expect it to thrive, and prosper, and grow .. Yu cant reap what yu dont sow .. and farmer, yu haven't being sowing anything so what do yu expect yur harvest to look like? it surely wont be bountiful, i'll tell yu that much .. But yu don't hear me .. Doesn't matter tho .. Those who don't hear will feel .. and those who feel ALWAyS learn.

Parent Your Children

A child is more than just a tax write off .. they're more than just something to brag about when its convenient ... a child deserves to be loved, cared for, protected, nurtured, and taught right from wrong .. no child should ever be or feel neglected, uncared about, unloved, put down, or hurt just because others around them cant control their thoughts, emotions, or actions. if yu take tha time to create a child, yu should put in an equal if not GREATER amount of time to ensure your childs well being .. remember they didnt ASK to be here .. they didnt have a choice on if they wanted to be around or not .. YU made that decision that yu wanted to take up that responsibility so its unfair to tha child for yu to change your mind because its not what yu wanted .. if yu wanted it then yu should want it now .. they shouldnt have to suffer because YU decided yu wanted to be selfish. What if whoever raised yu decided they didnt feel like doing it anymore nd walked out on yu? wouldnt feel too good would it? Being left alone .. abandoned .. no one there for yu .. If yu wouldnt want that for yourself, why would yu want to do that to a helpless, defenseless child? Where is your heart? Do yu even have one to even do something like that? .. All im trying to say is think before yu act; if you're not ready for a child, use protection. dont possibly ruin someone elses life because of your selfish need for satisfaction .. Do unto others nd all that good stuff. -Ash

That Was Then 12.29.11

i remember back in tha day, not 2 long ago wen people meant what they said nd wouldnt go back on there word just becuz dey were afraid of wat ppl wld thnk of dem..i remember wen somebody said dey love u it was because dey really did..i remember wen dudes didnt just tlk 2 grls cuz dey wanted 2 fck..i remember wen thinking for yourself was acceptable..I remember wen ppl were actually faithful..i remember wen girls who were pretty were smart too nd not ashamd of it it..i remembr wen a dude would only call a female out dere name wen dey actually portrayed the actions of the name they were being called..i remember wen words had actual meanin.. bt nowadays, ppl will say and do anythng to get wat they want..ppl cant keep it real wit others and sometimes not even dere selves..ppl claim dey love u bt dont evn knw wat d word means or how 2 really show it..dudes will fuck anything wit 2 legs a pussy nd a heartbeat..ppl dnt think or do for demselves for fear of bein rejectd by society..dudes AND females are less and less faithful becuz apparently its hard 2 actually wanna TRy do do bettr so dey go d easy way out not carin who gets hurt in d process..pretty girls selln demselves short because society got em thinkn dat u cant b smart AND beautiful at d same time or u'll nevr get d man u want..[d way i c it..if a dude cant accept u fa being u, FUCK DAT NIGHA.he nt not worth none of your time nor effort]a dude will call a girl a bitch hoe slut trick nd any other word dey can think of just so dey feel "powerful"..[nigha dat aint power. u juszt a coward ass nigha hidin insecurities behind words.please find d nearest oil spill,set it on fire nd jump in.] ppl cll everybody bae nd baby nd most times its cuz dey wnt somethin not because d person dey calln dat is somebody dey care bout or even got feelins for[den dat distorts d line between wen somebody really dere 4 u or for ur aquirments causing confusion nd so much unneccesary drama].. people need 2 grow da hell up. it is may 18th 2010 10:42 pm..how much longer are we gonna put on dis façade dat everything is ok nd everybody bein real? personally um tired of dat shit.ppl wanna claim bein "grown" bt dont wanna accept d maturity nd responsibility dat comes wit it..smdh...i wonder how long itll take to get rite..will it take a couple days? months? a few years? or mayb yall wanna wait til judgement cuz i knw yall will deff act rite den..or will u????


HOTGiRL

Key To My Heart

thought id never let anybody come this close to me again after the last one..deadbolt on my heart..startd playin the same games dat the others playd and aftr a whle i threw the key away..then u came around.. didnt even know that u had found that key.. dont know wat is was about u but from jump u were just,,, DIFFRENT..still i was cautious..i watchd how u work n how u act nd liked wat i saw but still was wary because everything always seems good in the beginning then changes 2 wats really real..then i got 2 know u a little better..got more comfortable with u..evn got 2 the point whre u were good enough 2 meet my family which never happens..they good at readn people and they seemd 2 like u off rip so i seen somethng there..i realized that i was startn 2 like u a lil more and startd givin myself every reason why that was a bad.."remember wat happnd the last time..dont set uself up 4 dat pain again.."nd my fave, "he's from lauderdale dats a no no"...then i startd 2 realize that none of wat happnd previously had anythng 2 do wit u..so i decided 2 give u a chance..kinda glad i did 2 because bein around u made me forget how things were in the past..u took the key nd unlocked my heart nd now im as nervous as ever because that the scariest thing i could ever think 2 happn but uma b a big girl about it because u never know wat will happen unless u take a chances..so um gonna take this risk and let u hold on 2 the key to my heart for now..just dont give me a reason 2 change the locks on you... -Ash

This Ones For Yu

Feelin like u alone in a room full of people?I kno the feelin..Family turn dey back on u?Quicker than u'd think..Friends turned 2 foes?All 2 often..Feel like u fightn life just 2 make it 2 2maro?Been there done that..But if u got dat one person thats gon keep it real vvit u even vvhen u'd rather hear a lie evrythng gon be str8, in da end you gon b in a better postion than evrybdy else.2 have one REAL friend is better den a buncha fake ones.and alvvays kno u got a friend in god--he gon be realer thatn anything on this earth..this is 4 everybody thats been hurt by a promise 2 keep it 100 dat couldnt b fulfilled.ppl svvear they'd never hurt u but did u vvorse than everyone else.took ur kindness for vveakness.the ones that u gave ur heart 2 and dey did nthn but play vvit it til it broke.ppl u cared about that aint care bout u.i kno i aint perfect but i REFUSE to be like evrybdy else.So Green dis is 4 u.evrybdy vvho goin thru it dis for u..keep ya head up dont let nbdy get u dvvn.u deserve nthn but the best..-Ash